Undisciplined and a Gambler???

Technically I've already posted today but what the hell...

I woke up today at around 2:00pm after having that long day I mentioned in the previous post. But I experienced something I never have before when I woke up. I did not really feel like playing poker whatsoever. But a man who doesn't work doesn't eat. I headed down to the tables. While I waited for a seat, I ate my chicken strip dinner that was comped by the poker host. As I ate my free meal and was treated respectfully by fellow players and casino personnel, I felt a bit weird. I realized I may be becoming a regular...Being a regular means you're probably a very decent player and everybody knows you. I didn't like the fact that I'm known.

When my name was called for a seat available, I still didn't feel like really playing. But, what else was there to do? I made an easy $150 in my first hand because of some idiot who I knew was bluffing. Well he was actually semi-bluffing because he had Ace High just like me on a board of QQQ29, but I knew exactly what cards he was playing. I had him on either AJ or A10. I held AK and made the easy call on the river to get his money. He flipped over AJ and was assuming I had a queen. The chips went to me after the dealer annouced my Ace high with a King kicker. He probably thought I was an amateur or donkey to make a call like that, but little did he know I knew what he held the entire time. I went with my first instinct.

Once I was up his $150, I began to play tight but aggressively. I increased my stack to about another $150, when all of a sudden I started getting top starting hands again. Mathematically correct calls on draws did not go my way. I had AK suited, while some short stack shoved preflop after I raised. I was pot commited to making the short stack call. That immediately took 30% of my stack when I failed to make a pair and he turned over pocket Kings. Then... I get one of the biggest coin flips I've ever had.

With medium action preflop and 4 players in the hand my cards were A5 of spades. The flop comes 2 6 K. ALL SPADES to possibly make my nut flush. I just needed one more spade! I was in first position and checked knowing someone would bet at the spades. I decided I was willing to to commit my whole stack on a raise if I needed to because I felt no one probably caught spades. However, the next player checks while the next player bets 40% of an already good size pot. The following player folds, and I raise about 120% of the better's bet to see if he actually does have a hand. The player next to me, who initially checked, quickly folds. The original better I raised decides to go all in and seemed pretty confident. I knew he had 2 spades in his hands. I even had him on Q10 of spades. At this point I think whether to call or not. All I need is one spade in the entire deck to give me the best hand. But if I don't get a spade, I lose 90% of my stack. I decide to call. Everyone knew I needed a spade and had the Ace of spades since I took so long to make the call. The turn comes 7 of clubs...and the river comes....9 of clubs...no spade.

I shoved most of my stack to the player as he flipped over Q9 of spades for a flopped flush. All i could do is sit with a dwindled stack and think about how stupid I was. Mathematically it wasn't even a coin flip. It was like 60/40 in the opponents favor to win. Even though the pot was great, I realized I didn't really have correct pot-odds to call. But, I did the math in my head before making that dumb call. I knew I shouldn't have called. But, I just kept thinking "one more spade is all I need". What I did was gamble. Poker has some gamble in it, but you have odds. Just like in Baseball when a GM takes odds on which player to pay the most. Or when Jerry Jones picks up Dez Bryant knowing he has about 70/30 odds to becoming a premier career receiver. I did not have correct odds but yet I still decided to call. I could believe I gambled. I might as well have gone to the roulette table and placed down all my money on black...thats gambling. I couldn't believe how undisciplined I was. I was sick to my stomach. I lost my left over stack on my very next hand when I flopped top pair with medium kicker and opposing player flopped bottom two pair.

I announced to the dealer to hold my seat signifying I was going to buy back in. I'm sure as I went upstairs to grab more cash all the players thought I was some gambler who doesn't know shit about poker. I went to grab another buy in of cash and headed down to my saved seat.

I lost my 2nd buyin in 5 hours due to me playing really bad. Not only did I play bad, I was really tired of playing. At times, I daydreamed during hands. I even check a nut straight instead of betting because I didn't even realize I had a straight. I wasn't paying attention in hands I wasn't in. I wasn't focused nor disciplined. Not only did I gamble with the earlier nut flush draw, but I bought back in rather than calling it a day knowing I wasn't playing as best as I could. That's rule #1 in my book. If you are not playing your best or come to a point where you're losing, you better get out asap.

One thing I remember thinking and daydreaming about during hands was my family. My brother, my mom, my dad, my step dad, my grandmother...just everyone. I really missed every one.

So given that, I think it's a sign I need a break and need to go home to prepare for next week of poker. I think I've had way too much pressure on myself because these were the first sessions of me playing for a living. I have tons of data to analyze and tons of studying to do. Even though I am negative in $profit,  I feel very humbled. I was always used to winning. I don't lose very often. But when I do, I usually get back on track because I refuse to lose again. It's all part of being a poker player. It's a hard way to make an easy living.

I'm finishing my meal here at the restaurant and will pack up and leave back home early in the morning.

-King2